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Literature Text
Nuance
When forced to deal with issues
That not many of us see,
I find I've aged beyond my years,
With a strange maturity.
Once you've matured completely,
You'll find a realm that's past
What most people think is 'real'
And you'll understand at last.
Call it magic if you will,
I don't know what I would say
But it's impossible to explain
Until you reach that day—
As impossible as teaching
A five-year-old nuance,
Is explaining how the world expands;
Nuance of the universe.
When forced to deal with issues
That not many of us see,
I find I've aged beyond my years,
With a strange maturity.
Once you've matured completely,
You'll find a realm that's past
What most people think is 'real'
And you'll understand at last.
Call it magic if you will,
I don't know what I would say
But it's impossible to explain
Until you reach that day—
As impossible as teaching
A five-year-old nuance,
Is explaining how the world expands;
Nuance of the universe.
Literature
Challenge
Challenge
They say a place exists for those who are lost. Perhaps it exists, and maybe it really doesn't. But I know I have caught a glimpse of something that could be that place. It hovers just between waking consciousness and sleep, somewhere that isn't touched by everyday life. And at the same time that place is subtly affected by that life.
It is a garden, a walled city, a cradle of life high in the mountain peaks. Four towering sentinels of stone topped with ice that could cut open the sky protect this place. Sunlight and starlight play on the ice, creating a mercurial rainbow. In the center of the hollow basin is a walled cit
Literature
Patchwork
Louise breathed a sigh of relief as the countryside gave way to city outskirts after two hours stuck in the car with Mother, who was adamant she couldn't concentrate on the road when the radio was on.
"Now I want you to take little Lisa and play outside as soon as we get there," said Mother. Strange how she could talk while driving but not listen. "I don't want her within earshot when I sit her parents down."
"Sure, Mum."
Lisa's parents were just getting started on what was sure to be an ugly divorce, and Mother being Mother just had to get involved and make things worse. She was right though, at seven years old 'little Lisa' was probably
Literature
quarter past midnight
The nascence of fall whispers
Quietly behind my ears -
The ripple of a full golden moon
Over thick, inky waves.
The last storm of summer left
Gaping darkness in the glass city,
Contorted boughs etched against
A disconcertingly wide sky.
Months of transition.
Anesthesia.
The knowledge that one day
That there will be one
Empty bed in the house
(please have mercy
please).
Drowning out the fear in soundwaves late at night.
Tearing lives apart with my bare hands
(Blood swirling open like petals;
I'm so sorry).
Crippling self hate and doubt.
Running from the ones I should love
(the southern stars offer consolation; outside,
the milky way arc
Featured in Groups
I was talking with =LadyofGaerdon about one of my previous poems, "I See Sparkles in the Sky", and the essence of this came out of me. She liked it so much she encouraged me to post it as a deviation. 
I hope I did it justice, m'lady.
Lying in bed failing to sleep, I thought I might be able to pull this off as a poem... what do you know. I was right.
I'm amazed at how well this worked; normally I fail as a poet. And it uses the same wording as what I had originally said to her... not sure if it has the same power. You'll have to tell me.
(Yes, that preview is another of my deviations, "Imagine". If you think you've seen it before, you have.)
---
#EditorialSquadron:
I hope I did it justice, m'lady.Lying in bed failing to sleep, I thought I might be able to pull this off as a poem... what do you know. I was right.
I'm amazed at how well this worked; normally I fail as a poet. And it uses the same wording as what I had originally said to her... not sure if it has the same power. You'll have to tell me.
(Yes, that preview is another of my deviations, "Imagine". If you think you've seen it before, you have.)
---
#EditorialSquadron:
- Does this have meaning to you?
- Does it come off as total bullshit, or did my emotion come through?
- Would this work better as prose?
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Comments23
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Overall Vision Originality
Technique
ImpactI like this, and I think as a poem it's quite good - the rhymes are natural, the structure is coherent - and yet, I feel like the original theory you presented in the comments of "I See Sparkles In The Sky" had more feeling. I think perhaps you could just add more lines, now that you've set up the theory, to try to get the feeling across. That way, it isn't really editing, just expanding. i would probably just go back to the original comment and extract lines from it. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="19" height="19" alt="
" title="Shrug"/> I don't know that it would work better as prose - certainly you would have more freedom if you used that medium. But I think it absolutely can work as a poem, if it's added to. You already have a great base.But it does feel like it's missing something in its present state.
My <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/t/t…" width="30" height="15" alt="
" title="Here's my $0.02"/> anyway. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="
" title=" (Smile)"/>